Weekend!

This spring the weather has been so bizarre but I'm still glad it's spring time! That means we start back up with Play days! Jaxxi was so excited to get back in the arena!

Daddy helping her run the poles!

Waiting her turn on "Bell"

Miss Madison on her new horse "Run"

It was so cold we mostly just set out in the truck, but it was still fun to resume are Friday night activity.

On Saturday some of my family decided to help out a cause for foster care with a mile walk called "Walk a Mile in my shoes" I think I cried most of the morning to see my family not only support me and Shane in our journey to fostering and adopting, but also see them help kids out in a way that they can! I encourage you if you can't do anything Prayer is so needed in each of these children's lives!

Jaxxi and Madison trying to stay warm before the walk.

The crew :)

Some of the donated suit case!

Sunday we had a lazy day playing outside! Jaxxi tied up her "horse" and was feeding it :)



 

Adoption day!!!

Before the ceremony!

Three Generations of Girls!

Our little stinker!

Beautiful

Being sworn in

We are so glad it's finished!

She was tired of all the pics so she started taking them of us!

He gave her $5 dollars to get her started out right!

us with the judge! I'm sure this is the best part of their job!

Yay! We are all so blessed to have her!

Popa and Gigi and their crying granddaughter!

It's filed and official!

I want to say a HUGE thank you to all our family who have accepted her day one even with all the scary unknowns that adopting through state custody entails. Not everyone is as blessed as we are! A lady who has been at every court date with us since Jaxxi was 12 months old was in tears when she seen how much love and support we had, made me so proud to be apart of that!They said we set a record for the most people to see a finalization :)

Second Huge Thank you goes out to Trinity for volunteering to capture these moments free of charge b/c she has went through the same process and knows what an ordeal it is!

 

For unto us a son is given... Um Daughter! :)

Today we finalized our adoption!!! I can't believe it's finally over, or beginning I guess! It seems like it took forever and an instant all at once. Many tears of Joy, Fear, and sadness were shed each one so worth it to call our sweet daughter ours!

The first day we met!
(3months)

Second Meeting
(3 months)

We got to spend a week with you!
(4 months)

The first day you were offically in our  home! 07/25/2011
(5 months)

First Christmas dress pics
(9 months)

First birthday 02/11/12
 

4th of July!
(18 Months)

One of her Christmas outfits 2012



Our little Candy Cane Cutie!

Thank you to everyone who has prayed and supported us through this process! We are blessed beyond what we can even express!
 

Hopefully...

We are hoping for another placement! Jaxxi Case is moving right a long and coming to an end. Not a hundred appointments in a month, running to visits, court dates. We are just waiting to get our adoption paper work started. So with all that said we have been really starting to get ready for a second child. We have notified Jaxxi worker, and our caseworker that if a child came available to please consider us. I'm hoping to get a placement that will go as smooth as Jaxxi case went, but we will take whatever God has in mind for our family! So if you would please pray with us that the child who is for us, that things would start falling into place and we could welcome the newest Allen to the bunch! :)

Court

We had our Good Cause hearing yesterday, that is the hearing were they make sure there is no objection from any party for us to move forward with the adoption process. My biggest worry and stress was the tribe. We were only in court for a few minutes and everything went really smoothly, thankfully! I had a little anxiety about it. Our worker is thinking the adoption could be completely done in 3-4 months! Tomorrow will be exactly one year since we brought her home to live with us. Seems impossible it's been that long, and at the same time it's hard to remember life without her. There are times when it's just plain hard to be mom, but when she wraps her arms around me so tight and gives me a great big kiss all that pretty much vanishes. We feel truly blessed to call this little girls ours!

I seen this saying going through some things on Etsy
"I didn't give you the gift of life... but the gift of life gave me you"

I hope that as we embark on this life with her that she will always know that to us she is our own. I'm slightly nervous about all the emotions we will have as she grows, but we have a great support and I know we will all get through it!

Jaxxi update

I haven't updated about Jaxxi for a while and since this is where I keep all this stuff I wanted to make sure I get all of this down. Jaxxi started walking at just over 16 months old. We went to OU for orthopedics and she was completely fine for now, we go back in 7 months for more monitoring. she has said two real words, Horsey, and Huckie. She still won't say Mommy and Daddy to either of us, so we know where we rank! ha! She has all of her top teeth I think and now she's working on the bottom ones. I haven't slept much in over a month. Oh well it's worth it, just wished she would start feeling better.

The biggest and best update is that on June 25th exactly 11 months from when she was placed in our home, the birth parents relinquished rights! I was in tears when they told us they wanted us to adopt her and take care of her. I can't explain what a relief it was when that was finally over with! Now we have to wait for a hearing to move her case from the foster care side to the adoption side, and have to make sure the tribe that Jaxxi was born into will let a member from another tribe adopt her. Our worker doesn't think there will be an issue with that, but it is another hurdler on this road. So Hopefully by 2013 she will officially be ours forever and ever!

14 months post 10 days late:)

14 months has brought on so much fun, new things, and stubbornness! :)

• You had surgery last week and you still weighed 19 lbs.
• you are wearing mostly 12 months a few 18 month shirts
• you are barely in a size 3 shoe...Tiny feet!
• you eat more than your weight in food everyday! you aren't very picky yet but you still aren't crazy about sweets.
• You are completely off the bottle have been since 13 months.
• you drink you sippy cup upside down :)
• you like juice way better than milk.
• You still take 2 naps most days, sleep mostly threw the night
• you almost refused to be fed, You want to do it all by yourself!
• You are into everything, we do not stop till bedtime. You can climb on the tables and think you are so funny!
• you have learned how to get off of the furniture.
• New words you say (one, bye-bye, no, hello, night night, yay)
• You shake your head no
• You still aren't walking, but taken a few steps, stood up from the ground unassisted, and our letting go of the table for longer periods of time.
• You need hair to go to sleep, or when your scared. I find that hair is an odd comfort thing but it's what you like so we go with it. :)
• You have had tubes, and your lazy eyes corrected. You did great for both surgeries!

I'm really loving this stage in that she can communicate with us a little bit more. But last night She was getting in to stuff when I put her to bed and this morning as soon as her feet touched the ground she was already getting into things she's not suppose to! I'm learning a new kind of patience! I know this stage will fly by and I'll be wishing I could go back to these moments soon. So I just try and remember that when I want to rip my hair out b/c she has eaten a piece of dog food for the 3rd time in an hour!!

We had court yesterday and man is it stressful, we are nearing the end of all this hopefully for real this time I thought I was almost there two other times. We have a jury trial coming up so I don't think there's much after that. There some things I'm slightly concerned about so if you can remember us in prayer I would appreciate it!

Giving Credit where credit is due...

I think this post has been along time coming. So I need to back up a little September 2010 my life begin to shift. I had moved beyond raw grief to just a state of depression. It was literally killing my soul. I just couldn't shake it. I had done everything that I was in my power to do, and guess what it didn't work! So I had to turn to the one who could do something about it. Since that time He has been showing me again and again that He is faithful. So in October of 2010 I got the nerve to turn in our foster/adoption application and my life has been on a fast track ever since. We had our first initial visit at the end of October and then we had two months were nothing was really happening except paper work and waiting for a class to get in to. So I made it through another holiday seasons with empty arms. For the first time in probably 3 or 4 years I let myself begin to hope.

January of this year I began to see that my life needed to change, and I was the only one who could do anything about it! So starting in January I started working out and between January and May of this year I lost 30 lbs. Started feeling like myself again. Then we found out about Jaxxi and I actually started to feel joy. real joy, God given overflowing joy. So I write all of that to say if your a baby loss mom who reads my blog or somehow found my blog b/c you are fresh in your grief there is hope. It's totally normal to grieve. I know there was so many dark times that I thought I would never feel any different than empty and sad. I promise you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep searching for Gods plan in your life and you will one day wake up and realize you have made it through. That doesn't mean that you don't miss your child or stop thinking about them or that you will never shed another tear. It does mean that you will feel that your not sitting on the side lines of your own life. You may even feel like your making the winning goal.

I read so many blog of BLM's and after they have another baby it's like that was what made them feel normal. Jaxxi does make me feel normal and I LOVE being a mom, but if I never would have had a child God was the one who healed my broken heart. He did that a while before Jaxxi came along. So if you never got your "rainbow" baby the only one who can heal your hurt is the one above.... So I'm giving credit where credit is due and saying I got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart, WHERE, down in my heart, WHERE, down in my heart to stay. That comes from GOD.

The Call

So Little Miss still has visit with her birth parents twice a month, these usually go off with out a hitch and I'm more than happy to share what's been going on and what new stuff she has been learning and doing, but the last two have been kinda strange. I knew something was up and it was honestly making me a little uneasy and nervous. So I contacted my social worker to see if they had begun talking relinquishment/termination of rights. and she said they hadn't begun those talks with the parents yet and weren't going to until the next family planning meeting with lawyers and counselors present. So I was still a little perplexed. I felt like they were telling her good bye and starting to let her go. Also telling me things they wished for her in the future. How she would be when she grew up and what they have allergies to and so on and so on. Then after our visit on Wednesday as we were leaving they asked to speak to our worker and so me and missy pants walked on out to the car with a home visit planned for Thursday. Well Thursday I got a call that they have decided they are ready to let her go and for me and Shane to move forward with the adoption! So things could be started as early as October 5! We couldn't be happier b/c I was prepared for a lot more drawn out process. Because up until this point they were going to continue to fight for her. Our worker told me yesterday that it shouldn't take more than 6 months for everything to be officially finalized! I honestly couldn't believe it! that will put her at a little over a year old!

It's funny what a difference a year makes. It was around this time last year that Shane yelled at me from the shower know how does this foster care thing work:) and from that our journey began. An my what a ways we have come. We are truly blessed and do not deserve an ounce of the favor God has shown us. I just find myself in tears humbled before God that he choose this little girl to have us as parents. It also gives me a slight anxiety attack not to mess it up! They can still change their mind and make the process of this longer, but would you pray with us that things will go smoothly and for me as I go to the family planning meeting. I know God has every detail mapped out and for that I'm thankful. I have never had any control and it's a huge burden lifted off to know I'm just a long for the ride!

Update...

We have Little miss in our home!!!! I'm so so excited! she has been with us since Monday and her worker says there is no real chance that she would ever go home! They have to give the parents every opportunity but the odds are definitely in our favor! So keep praying!! Her next court date is in October so hoping all goes well between now and then. We start visits with the parents the second week in August. She is so happy and adjusting well. She has to a have little medical procedure on her eyes in late August so please say a prayer that all goes well for that. Thanks in advance and thanks for all the love and support.

Just for your viewing pleasure :o) all the Allen cousins!

One cute bunch!

God's Promises

I haven't gotten a chance to really sit down and write out my thoughts of what the last month have meant to me... I really didn't know how to put it in words. I'm not going to lie and say I had no fear coming into the world of foster/adopting because the truth is I had many. If I let myself I could be completely crippled by them. I will admit that there have been a time or two I've given into the fear, and have had to surrender again the whole thing to God. It's pretty laughable to think that there is even anything else to do but surrender. Back in April the week before Easter I got the nerve to ask my social worker about LM and she said there was a chance of her being able to come to our home. I was elated. I remember crying, really more like sobbing in the shower after I called everyone to share the good news. I was just so relieved after five years of bad news we were finally getting what seemed like a YES! I was completely over taken with joy praising God through my tears.






So almost immediately after I received the good email my mind traveled to a million question mode. I emailed her back and asked if I should be getting things ready for her. Her email left me a little discouraged and I was pretty bummed. Then it hit me that it wasn't a no just not right now and refused to feel defeated. So instead I decided in that moment that it was all up to God if she would be ours. for a short while or forever... Then May came and went and still no news really to speak of it was a really hard month! Then at the beginning of June we got the call that we would get her for a week of respite care and we couldn't be happier but I still wasn't sure what the future held but we had a week with this precious girl and I couldn't refuse it! the the current foster mom called and the first thing out of her mouth was she will probably be adoptable. The feeling I got after that phone call was like affirmation that she would be ours.

So here we are a month later and still now solid news, we do know they are moving her to us probably by the end of July and we are just patiently ok maybe not so patiently :) but waiting no the less. God spoke to me through verse Revalations 21:5 when my grief was still so raw then again on then again through a preacher in early July 2010 I can't help but smile when I think he has made EVERYTHING NEW!



So I will rejoice in his promises for making everything new, and reap the harvest of what he planted! Thank you lord for giving me joy unspeakable!



This picture makes my heart do flip flops to watch Shane be a dad is one of the best things I have ever witnessed! LM is one lucky lady! I never doubted Shane would be a fantastic father, but he has way exceded my expectations!
Our first family photo! The only time I ever get really sad is when I think we will never have a truly complete family photo. But this is our life now and man it sure looks beautiful!

(once the adoption is finalized I will be taking off the heart stickers so you can see her sweet beautiful face!)

I am Blessed!!!

So Far So Good!

Our social worker came by the house last night for us to sign our contracts and be "officially approved" to be foster parents. We have known about the possibility of the placement of the baby girl since before Easter! Talk about patience. :) All we knew for sure was the week of respite care. Last night she confirmed that the baby will be transitioned in to our home! She told us to get excited. Well of course we are! She wanted to see the nursery and was surprised to see that it transformed into a little girls nursery :) My mom has gotten a ton of stuff so we were prepared for boy or girl! She is native American and the current foster family she is with isn't so since we are tribal that helps us tremendously! The Foster family she is currently with have had her since she left the hospital so she has been loved from the moment she was born and for that we are grateful!

I realize we are dealing with "the system" and things can change at any moment, but I'm just trusting and believing that God has all this worked out for us. As my Grandma Corene told me last night she's praying; it will go so smooth that it will be just like we had her.:) I wont be able to share her name on here. So I think I will refer to her as "little miss" for future post. We have people making bows and we can't wait to get her a dress for my sisters wedding coming up in July! I can't believe I'm going to be a mom to a baby in my arms not just in my heart!

Quick Update!

I just received a phone call today asking if we were interested in keeping a 3 month old baby girl... And of course I said yes! So far we will have her one week June 12-18Th so be praying that goes smoothly. I guess depending on how that week goes she maybe transitioned into our home! I'm not sure how everything works at DHS but I'm hoping that's a good thing. So I'm asking for prayers that everything will work out and she will end up being able to stay with us! I'm So ready to embark on this adventure and terrified of getting hurt. I know God is in control and I just have to trust that all will go according to his will. Thanks for all the prayers in advance. :)

P.S. I will will most definitely be counting down the next 19 days!