Weekend!

This spring the weather has been so bizarre but I'm still glad it's spring time! That means we start back up with Play days! Jaxxi was so excited to get back in the arena!

Daddy helping her run the poles!

Waiting her turn on "Bell"

Miss Madison on her new horse "Run"

It was so cold we mostly just set out in the truck, but it was still fun to resume are Friday night activity.

On Saturday some of my family decided to help out a cause for foster care with a mile walk called "Walk a Mile in my shoes" I think I cried most of the morning to see my family not only support me and Shane in our journey to fostering and adopting, but also see them help kids out in a way that they can! I encourage you if you can't do anything Prayer is so needed in each of these children's lives!

Jaxxi and Madison trying to stay warm before the walk.

The crew :)

Some of the donated suit case!

Sunday we had a lazy day playing outside! Jaxxi tied up her "horse" and was feeding it :)



 

5 minus 2=3

After a few days shy of being a month we are becoming a family of 3 of again. We have had the pleasure of having two more foster kiddos in our home.  A 5 year old little boy and 19 month old little girl. She's just 3 weeks younger than Jaxxi. It has been a challenge. Just wrapping my mind around three kids! Having to cook every night. And the never ending laundry and clean up! They are leaving us tonight and I didn't think it would be this hard! I've had a lump in my throat all day. Even in the brief time that I've had them I just want to keep them safe! I'm hoping they thrive in their new home and pray that it will be their last move unless the moment comes they get to move home.

So tonight bed time will be a little easier, less clothes will be in the basket, but my a little piece of my heart will be somewhere else... I know this is the best move for these kids and us. Just hate that I can't do it all and keep all these kids out of harms way! Mostly wanted to get this post down so I can have it for my memories in years to come.

Hopefully...

We are hoping for another placement! Jaxxi Case is moving right a long and coming to an end. Not a hundred appointments in a month, running to visits, court dates. We are just waiting to get our adoption paper work started. So with all that said we have been really starting to get ready for a second child. We have notified Jaxxi worker, and our caseworker that if a child came available to please consider us. I'm hoping to get a placement that will go as smooth as Jaxxi case went, but we will take whatever God has in mind for our family! So if you would please pray with us that the child who is for us, that things would start falling into place and we could welcome the newest Allen to the bunch! :)

Giving Credit where credit is due...

I think this post has been along time coming. So I need to back up a little September 2010 my life begin to shift. I had moved beyond raw grief to just a state of depression. It was literally killing my soul. I just couldn't shake it. I had done everything that I was in my power to do, and guess what it didn't work! So I had to turn to the one who could do something about it. Since that time He has been showing me again and again that He is faithful. So in October of 2010 I got the nerve to turn in our foster/adoption application and my life has been on a fast track ever since. We had our first initial visit at the end of October and then we had two months were nothing was really happening except paper work and waiting for a class to get in to. So I made it through another holiday seasons with empty arms. For the first time in probably 3 or 4 years I let myself begin to hope.

January of this year I began to see that my life needed to change, and I was the only one who could do anything about it! So starting in January I started working out and between January and May of this year I lost 30 lbs. Started feeling like myself again. Then we found out about Jaxxi and I actually started to feel joy. real joy, God given overflowing joy. So I write all of that to say if your a baby loss mom who reads my blog or somehow found my blog b/c you are fresh in your grief there is hope. It's totally normal to grieve. I know there was so many dark times that I thought I would never feel any different than empty and sad. I promise you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep searching for Gods plan in your life and you will one day wake up and realize you have made it through. That doesn't mean that you don't miss your child or stop thinking about them or that you will never shed another tear. It does mean that you will feel that your not sitting on the side lines of your own life. You may even feel like your making the winning goal.

I read so many blog of BLM's and after they have another baby it's like that was what made them feel normal. Jaxxi does make me feel normal and I LOVE being a mom, but if I never would have had a child God was the one who healed my broken heart. He did that a while before Jaxxi came along. So if you never got your "rainbow" baby the only one who can heal your hurt is the one above.... So I'm giving credit where credit is due and saying I got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart, WHERE, down in my heart, WHERE, down in my heart to stay. That comes from GOD.