Thursday, January 13, 2011

Cheated...

These are some of the the thing I feel infertility/losing my son has cheated me...

1. The feeling of being less than a woman. People give so much regard to women who can carry and give birth to a baby. As they should just makes me feel less than.

2. Being able to see Shane be the great father I know he is/ will be.

3. Being able to make mine and Shane's parents loving dotting grandparents. ( this ons hurts my heart more than u can imagine.)

4. Getting to come up with a cute and creative ways to make the "big announcement"

5. Feeling like my life is on hold... But no way to know what it's on hold for. Always planning for what if. ( yes this is a choice, but mostly you just feel lost)

6. Having a baby shower and organizing cute tiny little baby clothes that u can imagine your bundle of cuteness in.

7. Having family in the waiting room hugging and laughing about the birth of our baby. Instead of red eyes and a bunch of questioning why.

These are just a few of the things that were on my heart and want to remember them when I have that miracle in my arms! Im Still living, still hoping...


Ashley

2 comments:

Dawn said...

I can't imagine your feelings but there is no way you should feel less than a woman for being unable to have/carry a baby. That's no way your fault/defect/problem, whatever you want to call it. I know people are weird but I can't imagine that very many thinking people would consider you less that a woman because of something you have no control over.

Love ya!

Anonymous said...

I think you are more of a woman for having to go through such a heart-breaking experience. It takes a real woman to endure such a tragedy, and come out humbled in the end. You and Shane are going to be the best of parents. When you have a little one it will be so lucky. God is in control. Lean on Him. Love ya,
Kendra Hutchens