Thursday, February 25, 2010

Happy Heavenly Birthday Baby Boy

Well today is Jaxxon's birthday... I wish I had picture of him learning to walk and 12 pictures for each month he was alive... but God had other plans for me. Here are a few pictures I had that we took at the hospital that I'm pretty sure I never put on my blog. I want to thank each of you again I know I probably sound like a broken record but I truly could not have done this without each and every prayer that was lifted up on our behalf! Hope you guys enjoy and have a great weekend.

Jaxxon and his bible we put this in his casket but I had another one made to keep with me.

first family picture...Showing Shane how much his hands look like his.

He could fit in daddies hat :)

Beautiful face...

My Grandpa Jack, the person we named Jaxxon after. I love this picture of them together.

My Parents loving on me and him.

This was his first bed he was in.

Friday, February 19, 2010


I have been debating whether or not to post this...but we are looking into adoption! We have been on a very long emotional roller coaster, well for the better part of four years. you know the roller coaster called STEP RIGHT UP TO INFERTILITY! We have gotten bad news, worse news, Great news, the absolute worse news, a string of the answer NO! So for the last few months I just took a break. I wanted to enjoy the holidays, (as much as I could) didn't want to count dates, keep track if I felt a little cramp a couple of days before my period, or if I was nauseous b/c I was sick or b/c I was growing a baby. It was just to much. I needed to grieve, to heal (emotionally and physically) believe or not I just feel like my hormones and body are back to normal it's been almost a year!

One day a few weeks ago my sister called to tell me about what a client of hers had been talking about that afternoon. She was telling affordable ways that we could adopt. This thought had crossed my mind several times before this, just thought we would never be ready to go that route. I told Shane about it and just began to pray b/c he was saying no way. I hadn't mentioned it again, then one day Shane came in from work and brought it up. He said he was looking at pictures of Jaxx and knew he was ready to be a father. He started asking more questions that I didn't really have an answer to, but said I could probably find out. I also assured him that we could still be trying on our own. We were both young and have a few years before we have to freak out to much about my ability to have a natural child.

So about a week went by and we decided to contact the Choctaw nation, we received a application and I mailed it in on Monday. We have to set up a home study which I'm not sure we can do til we have our house. B/c right now we are living in a ONE room apartment. It would have room for a bed but it would be tight. I'm going to ask for prayers that if this is what we have in store for us that it will all come together in Gods perfect way. That if we do have an adopted child out there waiting for us to love him/her. That God would already be preparing him/her for usand us for them. It's so many UNKNOWNS...

New Nephew!

Well me and Shane have a new nephew, Sawyer James, He was born on February 15, 2010 8lbs 12oz, 21 inches. He's just a precious little fat cheeked baby boy! Shane swears he loves him best, but I speak from experience I'm always the favorite!

While Tish was in the hospital we got the joy of keeping Jarbear for the first time all by himself. With Bree always around either she wanted to go or she just wouldn't let Jarrett go, so we haven't had as much one on one time with him! He's so easy to watch! Not so easy to sleep with HA! I decided to put him in the little bed for Sawyer b/c he was in that bed not even two years ago. I think he's grown some!
Here's the little cutie!

here's another one with me and him! He whispered in my ear YOU are my FAVORITE!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Psalm 13

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

This was in my daily reading yesterday. It really spoke to me. A lot of days I feel like verses 1 through 4. I'm thankful for verses 5&6 b/c he truly does have unfailing love. He has been good to me! I'm blessed beyond belief everyday! If you think about it even if your going through something hard I bet you can find he's been good to you too!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

February :(

I've have been dreading this month for a year! It holds some of my best memories and some of my worst. My life changed so much in the shortest month of the year. I will forever Cherish this date. It was the one and only time I seen Jaxxon alive without worry. Just pure joy. I seen him on a couple other ultrasounds, but I was so scared for his life that I didn't get to enjoy it. I don't know why a date has any bearing on how we feel, but it does.... I keep telling myself will only wallow in my grief for this year. I hope that's true but I don't know when this hurt is suppose to shut off. If it ever shuts off will it be less real? Will he be less real? If there is a manual step by step guide on how to do this please let me know!!!

I want to thank all of you for your kind words and encouragement through the past 11 months! It has meant so much to me and Shane. Your prayers have been felt and I can never thank you enough!!!