I remember Easter 2009 being so painful. It was the first holiday after losing Jaxx. I was in the thick of my grief. Completely broken. I smiled and went through the motions but every normal thing I did felt like picking off the scab that was trying to heal my heart. Looking back now I'm not sure how I even got through those first months and even year. But I'm thankful for God, friends and family who stuck it out with me.
As I was sitting in church this morning passing back and forth this beautiful baby girl who was fighting sleep. I know how truly blessed I am, and being that broken shell of a person was God teaching me, how to appreciate all the abundance he was about to shower into my life.
I love both of my children with all my heart. Sometimes I look at Jaxxi and wish that she could have her older brother here to help her put eggs in her basket or hold her hands while she walks. I can get wrapped in the moment and go to place where I'm sad not that she's doing all the things a healthy one year old should. Just that we didn't get to experience every milestone with him. But he's getting to celebrate with the king of kings!
So Easter 2012 was a much happier day. Day full of laughter and hope. Thankful that God arose!!!
Ps I did not take one single picture of Jaxxi on her first Easter (with us) but there's always next year!