I want to blog I really do...

But the thing that I want to blog about most  I can't! and It takes entirely to long to put red hearts over her cute little face! So maybe one day I will be motivated and catch up. Christmas was great and we have fantastic New Year... Now I'm thick in 1st birthday party planning! I'm probably going overboard but I'm loving it so much I don't even care! :) So that's all that really going on in the Allen household!

10 months!

Well it's that time again time for ANOTHER monthly post. I'm so happy for each milestone, but also would like to keep her my tiny little baby!

• You were 17.5 LBS and 28 inches long at 9 month well baby visit we go back to doctor on Wednesday and I'm positive you have grown!
• biggest milestone is starting to Army Crawl! I was wrapping with shiny Christmas paper and that gave you enough motivation to get on the move!
• Started eating pasta pick ups, You don't like baby food even though Nana says I just don't try hard enough :)
• We have moved most of your feedings from your bumboo seat to the big girl high chair.
• You can eat a whole cracker by yourself.
• Daddy walked in the door and you started saying DADA. Still not a mention of mama!
• front two teeth all the way in. Another top tooth pooped through this week. That makes 5 teeth for you total.
• Still drinking 4-5 6oz. bottles a day.
• Went to look at Christmas lights and Christmas inflatables.
• Hung your first Christmas Ornament.
• First Carner Tree Trimming
• First Thanksgiving
• First accident! While taking family photo's Mommy let you fall off a chair. You were OK after a few snuggles! (P.s. daddy will never let mommy forget I let you get hurt first! ha!)
• Met your extended family on Poppy's side.
• Continue to develop your cute, sweet, ORNERY personality.
• The very start of stranger anxiety.
• Started throwing head throwing fits!
• Fighting sleep.

This girl is a mess! Mine and Shane's hearts are full to the brim though! I have know idea what we did for entertainment before her. I'm so much looking forward to our first Christmas as a family of three! God has blessed more than we deserve!

I have so much to get caught up on in blogging. Maybe after Christmas I can set down and get some pictures on here and get caught up!

Thanksgiving 2011

We had a great Thanksgiving a little different than years past but still a blessed one none the less! Of course we were thrilled to get to spend it Jaxxi first Thanksgiving all together!

All of the Allen clan together for the first time in along time!

Daddy giving his Sweets a lift waiting for lunch :)

Thanksgiving morning watching the Macy's Parade!

My SIL Tish ran her first Marathon the Sunday before Thanksgiving and here are the girls showing their support! :)

She survived! I'm proud that of you Tish!

9 Months

I can not believe she is already 9 months old! we had a big month of milestones!

• you weighed 17 lbs. 3oz. at last appt. we go for you 9 month well baby on the 23rd
• you have two bottom teeth and the top two front teeth have broke the skin.
• you are leaning over your knee to start to crawl (more on this later)
• you have just in the last few days started babbling! your first word was dada! You don't know what that means yet but it's still your first word :) 
• still drinking 6 oz of formula
• Still not a big fan of baby food
• Still wearing size three diapers
• 6-9 months or 9 month clothing.
• size 2 shoe
•  LOVE your puffs and baby snacks!
• First wagon ride with you great Uncle Gary
• You love all animals!!
• met your Great Grandma Linda for the first time.
• Had your first trick-or-treating!
• You have started reaching for people
• You cry when I leave the room or when I walk by and don't say hi to you!
• You have started waking up around 5:30 in the mornings but go right back to sleep.
• You will hold your own bottle most of the time and you do this cutest little twisting when you are holding it! :)
• You still attack Madison's face every time you see her:)

This month we had a few concerns about where Jaxxi is on a few developmental things. So we set up a meeting with s.o.oner st.a.rt. They are organization that will help kids if they are behind in any area the first three years of life. Well we had our evaluation and Jaxxi qualified. She has some lose ligaments and some under developed muscles. So she will start physical therapy very soon!

Giving Credit where credit is due...

I think this post has been along time coming. So I need to back up a little September 2010 my life begin to shift. I had moved beyond raw grief to just a state of depression. It was literally killing my soul. I just couldn't shake it. I had done everything that I was in my power to do, and guess what it didn't work! So I had to turn to the one who could do something about it. Since that time He has been showing me again and again that He is faithful. So in October of 2010 I got the nerve to turn in our foster/adoption application and my life has been on a fast track ever since. We had our first initial visit at the end of October and then we had two months were nothing was really happening except paper work and waiting for a class to get in to. So I made it through another holiday seasons with empty arms. For the first time in probably 3 or 4 years I let myself begin to hope.

January of this year I began to see that my life needed to change, and I was the only one who could do anything about it! So starting in January I started working out and between January and May of this year I lost 30 lbs. Started feeling like myself again. Then we found out about Jaxxi and I actually started to feel joy. real joy, God given overflowing joy. So I write all of that to say if your a baby loss mom who reads my blog or somehow found my blog b/c you are fresh in your grief there is hope. It's totally normal to grieve. I know there was so many dark times that I thought I would never feel any different than empty and sad. I promise you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep searching for Gods plan in your life and you will one day wake up and realize you have made it through. That doesn't mean that you don't miss your child or stop thinking about them or that you will never shed another tear. It does mean that you will feel that your not sitting on the side lines of your own life. You may even feel like your making the winning goal.

I read so many blog of BLM's and after they have another baby it's like that was what made them feel normal. Jaxxi does make me feel normal and I LOVE being a mom, but if I never would have had a child God was the one who healed my broken heart. He did that a while before Jaxxi came along. So if you never got your "rainbow" baby the only one who can heal your hurt is the one above.... So I'm giving credit where credit is due and saying I got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart, WHERE, down in my heart, WHERE, down in my heart to stay. That comes from GOD.

I survived the Earthquake of 2011!

So it's been a little nutso around here! We have two pretty large earthquakes in Oklahoma in the last couple of days! and oh did I mention they centered just a about 9 miles from my house! On Friday night I was home alone then at a little after 2 in the morning I was awoken to what sounded like a big explosion then my house started shaking! it was a 4.7 earthquake. I know it wasn't a huge deal but to be woken up to that it's definitely not pleasant! So what do you do to make sure your not crazy open up FB lol! Well I wasn't crazy my news feed was going crazy with everyone who felt it!

Last night around 10:30 we were decorating my sisters mantel for Christmas and Oklahoma's biggest and longest ever recorded earthquake happened it was a 5.6! It kept going and going. So I ran and got Jaxxi and got in a doorway. :) natural disasters are a lot more scary when your worrying about your child! I thought all we had to worry about were tornado's, and at least we get a warning with those, now it looks like we should be a tad concerned about earthquakes!

Halloween and a real life pirate!

 We had a great Halloween! Jaxxi will never remember it but, Shane and I will! We went downtown Prague to the businesses and then went and walked around a few houses in Paden. She smiled the whole time :)

I have know idea why this is side ways b/c it isn't in my file but whatever turn your head a little! :)

Ringing the door bell!

 here's our cute little duck! Everyone thought she was a chicken but the tag so duck so that's what we are going with ;)

We went to the eye doctor today to get the tubes they put in her tear ducts back in August removed, and I asked him about some concerns I had with her left eye and well here's the end result my own little pirate! She did really well wearing it. She has to wear it for two hours a day for two months. We go back in January and if it hasn't improved like he wants it to I will have a little cutie in glasses:)