Unknown...

I have been debating whether or not to post this...but we are looking into adoption! We have been on a very long emotional roller coaster, well for the better part of four years. you know the roller coaster called STEP RIGHT UP TO INFERTILITY! We have gotten bad news, worse news, Great news, the absolute worse news, a string of the answer NO! So for the last few months I just took a break. I wanted to enjoy the holidays, (as much as I could) didn't want to count dates, keep track if I felt a little cramp a couple of days before my period, or if I was nauseous b/c I was sick or b/c I was growing a baby. It was just to much. I needed to grieve, to heal (emotionally and physically) believe or not I just feel like my hormones and body are back to normal it's been almost a year!

One day a few weeks ago my sister called to tell me about what a client of hers had been talking about that afternoon. She was telling affordable ways that we could adopt. This thought had crossed my mind several times before this, just thought we would never be ready to go that route. I told Shane about it and just began to pray b/c he was saying no way. I hadn't mentioned it again, then one day Shane came in from work and brought it up. He said he was looking at pictures of Jaxx and knew he was ready to be a father. He started asking more questions that I didn't really have an answer to, but said I could probably find out. I also assured him that we could still be trying on our own. We were both young and have a few years before we have to freak out to much about my ability to have a natural child.

So about a week went by and we decided to contact the Choctaw nation, we received a application and I mailed it in on Monday. We have to set up a home study which I'm not sure we can do til we have our house. B/c right now we are living in a ONE room apartment. It would have room for a bed but it would be tight. I'm going to ask for prayers that if this is what we have in store for us that it will all come together in Gods perfect way. That if we do have an adopted child out there waiting for us to love him/her. That God would already be preparing him/her for usand us for them. It's so many UNKNOWNS...