Tuesday, February 2, 2010

February :(

I've have been dreading this month for a year! It holds some of my best memories and some of my worst. My life changed so much in the shortest month of the year. I will forever Cherish this date. It was the one and only time I seen Jaxxon alive without worry. Just pure joy. I seen him on a couple other ultrasounds, but I was so scared for his life that I didn't get to enjoy it. I don't know why a date has any bearing on how we feel, but it does.... I keep telling myself will only wallow in my grief for this year. I hope that's true but I don't know when this hurt is suppose to shut off. If it ever shuts off will it be less real? Will he be less real? If there is a manual step by step guide on how to do this please let me know!!!

I want to thank all of you for your kind words and encouragement through the past 11 months! It has meant so much to me and Shane. Your prayers have been felt and I can never thank you enough!!!


Chelsa said...

i totally agree about the month of feb.
feb. '08 i had a miscarriage (after trying for over a year to get pregnant)
and then feb. 3, 2009 andon was born... and went to be w/ jesus. i hope this feb. treats us both better!

Hutton Family said...

I have no idea how you feel so I will not pretend or tell you I can imagine because I can't. I can only tell you that God loves you both and as hard as this month will be for you both I just hope and pray that you both feel His peace and comfort the best that you can. Don't give up your hope of having children, that is your prayer and desire and God WILL provide as long as you believe that He will fullfill that prayer!! I love you guys and will continue praying.