Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Heavy...

I have been following so many women who have suffered infant loss and miscarriages my heart is very heavy tonight. It was really easy to be naive about this subject before it happened to me. I can not believe how often this happens and it's easy just to think it's just another prayer request on our list. I'm hear to tell you what these women are going through is pure hell sometimes. One thing I've have continued to be amazed at is how instantly grief can bring you together even though we all grieve differently it's also the one thing that's the same. Believe me I do not want to be in the grief club, but I am and God had a purpose in all of it.

I'm really not sure what this mother's day has in store for me. I do know I can not be in my house all day. I don't think I can handle knowing his nursery is right down the hall and is empty. It wouldn't be filled if I was still pregnant but it would be filled with anticipation and dreams. His little clothes still hang in the closet and his precious little shoes still on the shelf. How do you even celebrate a day that you thought was the last mothers day you would have to spend without a child. Just to have a rude reminder that you have no baby in your arms. I know I get to stand up and say I'm a mother for the first time. It's just horrible that I have no proof of that.

Lord be near the broken hearted. pour your peace in our lives. I pray that you will show your love and mercy in our lives. I pray your will be done and that you have all the glory. You give and take away, even when it's taken away I will fall on my knees and praise you. Give peace beyond all understanding. Lord I love you even though I don't understand. amen.

2 comments:

Becca said...

What a sweet prayer and post - I am lifting you up in prayer!

Anonymous said...

Ash, i get amazed more each day by your strength. I love you and cant wait to see you !