I learned of another family who lost a precious baby to early. There is nothing that has tested my faith more than this single event in my life. It's so hard to understand why a loving God would take away or not even allow couples to have baby that would take care of it, and love and nurture it. Then give babies to crack addicts, abusers, molester, and people who just won't take care of their children. Honestly I don't even know why some women like the Duggars for instance can have 19... Why wouldn't He just spread the wealth and just give us one! I know that he truly is loving, that this is just the plan for my life, and that is the plan He has for their lives. I just really can't wrap my brain around it!!!
Also a 16 yr. old foreign exchange student that was staying with my Aunt and Uncle decided to end her life on Sunday night. I don't know what the one thing in peoples life that makes them decide that dying would be better than living. I just want to remind people to take time for the people around them. Ask them how their doing and actually listen to their reply. I not saying that it would have changed anything in this situation. It made me think if she would have just opened up could this have been avoided?
So I have a lot on my mind once again and it just closer and closer to Jaxxon 1st birthday. I'm determined to make this year one of the best ones yet! Trying to grieve purposely and draw closer to God and maybe he will give me some insight in to so many of my questions. To be honest I have just been down right mad! I just can't keep doing this... Being mad isn't solving anything, so maybe trying to be content and go with the flow, see what God has in store for us this year will help ease my mind and give me some of my true joy back.