When do you know God is saying no, OR, just not right now? I've been struggling with this the last few days. When I lay my head on my pillow I just can't shut my brain off. To much thinking is not a good thing for me b/c I always go to the extreme worse. I guess I'm just wondering if all the bad things that have happened are just big red signs saying this isn't what I have planned for you. Give up on this dream and find a new one. I know people say it Will happen in God's time, but it doesn't have to happen, he doesn't have to give us this gift. Should I have learned my lesson when we were told we could not have children. Instead I took it as a challenge that mere human doctors can't contain my God in a box. He can do all things. So I continued on praying, seeking and hoping. Then we conceived, over joyed, thought my life was finally on track. He gave me the child I prayed for... Then he died, I had to give him back to the lord. Should this have been my big wake up call you are not suppose to be a mother on earth. I was thinking the last night as I was going to bed. God gave me the gift of a child, even if it just for heaven I have an eternity to be with son. Some women will not even get to have that gift.
How do you know when enough is enough? Am I the only one who struggles with this? I just can't help but to think that this is the right path for me b/c it's such a pain in my heart for a child. Maybe God is teaching me that I want a child more then him. I'm not sure what all of it means, I just know it's hard. Infertility is hard on me, hard on Shane, hard on our marriage, hard for our families. I'm thankful I have a God who allows me to ask all of these questions, b/c He's big enough for all my emotions. I have said it before and will say it again. I do NOT know how people without God can do this!!!! So I would encourage anyone reading this who does not know God has your personal savior to take some time and get to know him. I promise it will be one decision in your life you will never regret. Thanks for listening to my heart once again.