We're going to the lake...

and we can hardly wait! we borrowed a friends Seadoo and are headed to Grand lake in the morning. We are going to spend some time with family we rarely get to see. I imagine lots of visiting and playing the next couple of days! I'm ready to get away with Shane and my mom. Even though I see Shane every day it doesn't feel like we get to spend much time together. So I'm ready to get to spend quality time with him, making memories :) I'll post pics when we get back!

The next part of this post is random stuff that's happening.

This is for summer reading program at our library. Carol a girl I work with and me decorated this for the kids. I thought it turned out great and am ready for them to see it!

I don't know why these pics are so little! This is Jaxx grave for memorial day. I wanted blue, white, and yellow flowers and they turned out perfect!

And this is our first and last attempt to cut Huck ourselves!!!!! We have a new appreciation for dog groomers! Shane done a good job with the clippers we got. We were trying to save money since it's sixty dollars to get a five pound dogs hair cut! That's more than mine to get washed, cut, colored and styled just for a reference! After our do it yourself cut we think we will pay the price! LOL

life

Life has way to many curve balls sometimes... I think the winds of change are blowing our way again and am praying that God would open every door that needs to be open! Trying not to stress to much and go with the flow.

This past weekend we traveled to Woodward and had lots of fun. Then I went back on Tuesday evening and stayed til this morning. Man Bree wears me out! but I miss her and Jare and Saw as soon as I'm in my car! They definitely make life interesting.

Bree asked why I have fat rolls, I said b/c I'm Fat and she said well then I have skinny rolls! A mess I tell ya! She's kinda of in the making up story age instead of the truth, so we had to work on that a couple of times to! But she is just so preciously ornery ;)

Jarrett decided he kinda likes his aunt Ash which is just fine with me b/c he is one cute little boy! He is completely different from Bree. I got lots of hugs and he wanted me to rock him to sleep. I think the whole time I was there I had one or sometimes two kids attached me somewhere. :)
Me and Tish decided Jare had the Avatar thing that attaches to there flying things b/c he glued to some one at all times!

Sawyer, well truth be told I don't get much time with him between the other two. He's always smiling and such a good baby! I watched him while Tish went and walked and he just set on my lap and smiled and talked to me. He almost had to be a laid back baby :)

I know this is random but wanted to remember spending time with them!

Mother's day

Jaxxon,
I miss you so much and think about you everyday. What you would be like and what you would be doing. I'm so happy that God choose me to be your mommy. I hope you know how much we love you and how much you still are a part of our lives. I'm thankful you get to spend this Mother's day in a place we all long to be.

Mother's day...
I'm not sure if mother's day will ever be a day of complete bliss. It's so much of a reminder of my struggles and what I do not have. I'm thankful I am a mother and God gave me five months with my son on earth. I love my Mom, Step-mom, MIL, Grandmothers. I'm thankful for them and am thankful they have shaped me into who I am. The mother I will be. It's tough being a childless mother. When the day comes and I have children on earth I will still always be minus one. I will never have my complete family with me. Praise Jesus he can give me strength and joy. I hope all of you have a wonderful Mother's day. If you aren't a mother yet but desperately want to be, I'm praying for you! There's no greater job then being a mom! Thanks to all the wonderful mom's that are in my life!

How Long will you grieve....

As I was driving home on Wednesday night I decided to listen to a sermon that a friend of ours had given us to listen to. The sermon started off talking Job and how some of his loss was due to natural disasters and other people causing problems. Then it turned to Joseph and how he never gave up on God. Mind you this is the third sermon in a row that Joseph has been brought up. I knew there was something for me to learn from him. I'll share that in a minute. The preacher got to a part in his sermon where I just felt Jesus was with me... How long will you grieve, How long will you grieve...How long will you grieve.( he said this three times and it sank a little more every time) Before you let God restore. I immediately started praying as if my life depended on it. God spoke that directly to my heart from this man. It has been no secret that this has been a season in my life of intense grieving. I have been carrying grief because I felt it was the only way people would not forget about him. If I was sad then they couldn't forget. He's worth so much more than sorrow. I felt in that moment it was ok to let go. Not forget, or never be sad or, never let a memory cross my mind. But to let go of the bitterness, the why me attitude. I'm a believer in Christ and I believe he works all things out for his good, why couldn't I believe this to would happen to me.

I'm ready to let God restore. To not dwell on the past and look forward to the future he has planned for us. I remember in the days right after Jaxxon left us that people would say HE has a mighty plan for you. I can't wait to see what God does. I remember believing that and then somewhere along the way I have lost sight of that. What God can do to bring glory to him through us is unimaginable. I can remember as if it was ten minutes ago Brett saying from behind the pulpit at Jaxx's funeral that he can feel Jesus walking by. I just forgot he was carrying me.

Back to Joseph many of you know the story of his coat of many colors. And how his brothers were going to kill him, he was accused of raped and was imprisoned, forgotten about for two years after interpreting a dream, then he was made the ruler of Egypt only the Pharaoh was greater than he. Through all this he had Gods favor b/c he was faithful and not saying God why is this happening to me. He knew God would take care of him. I have easy issues compared to this guy but I whine and complain and carry on. We can all learn a lesson from Joseph but I certainly need it. When God blessed him with his son he said that God has allowed me to be fruitful in the land of my grief. That is my prayer that the Lord will make me fruitful in the land that I have grieved. How long have you grieved over something, like a lost job, moving to a smaller house, those size 8 jeans, or something as big as loss of a family member, remember that in there God has to be allowed to restore. Thank you Jesus for making everything new and restoring my heart for you!