The Call

So Little Miss still has visit with her birth parents twice a month, these usually go off with out a hitch and I'm more than happy to share what's been going on and what new stuff she has been learning and doing, but the last two have been kinda strange. I knew something was up and it was honestly making me a little uneasy and nervous. So I contacted my social worker to see if they had begun talking relinquishment/termination of rights. and she said they hadn't begun those talks with the parents yet and weren't going to until the next family planning meeting with lawyers and counselors present. So I was still a little perplexed. I felt like they were telling her good bye and starting to let her go. Also telling me things they wished for her in the future. How she would be when she grew up and what they have allergies to and so on and so on. Then after our visit on Wednesday as we were leaving they asked to speak to our worker and so me and missy pants walked on out to the car with a home visit planned for Thursday. Well Thursday I got a call that they have decided they are ready to let her go and for me and Shane to move forward with the adoption! So things could be started as early as October 5! We couldn't be happier b/c I was prepared for a lot more drawn out process. Because up until this point they were going to continue to fight for her. Our worker told me yesterday that it shouldn't take more than 6 months for everything to be officially finalized! I honestly couldn't believe it! that will put her at a little over a year old!

It's funny what a difference a year makes. It was around this time last year that Shane yelled at me from the shower know how does this foster care thing work:) and from that our journey began. An my what a ways we have come. We are truly blessed and do not deserve an ounce of the favor God has shown us. I just find myself in tears humbled before God that he choose this little girl to have us as parents. It also gives me a slight anxiety attack not to mess it up! They can still change their mind and make the process of this longer, but would you pray with us that things will go smoothly and for me as I go to the family planning meeting. I know God has every detail mapped out and for that I'm thankful. I have never had any control and it's a huge burden lifted off to know I'm just a long for the ride!

Lack of Blogging!

I apologize for the lack of updates! I've been a little preoccupied plus everything I would LOVE to blog includes a pic of little Missy pants and I can't put her cute little face on the Internet yet! Plus I mostly do my blogging from my phone and I can't put the cute little heart over her face. So excuses, excuses! The bright side is we are getting Internet at home! I have done with out it for two+ years... But not anymore they finally offer DSL out our way! So excited, draw back since we are a new house they have to do construction so it could be 2-6 weeks! If you waited 2 years whats 6 weeks. :)

I wrote Jaxxi on my last post so I guess I the cats out of the bag for all you readers who don't know me in real life. We are naming her Jaxxi Mae Allen! Her name fits her perfectly just one more reason I know without a doubt this child was created for us. If I ever have doubts that God works out EVERY detail, He has probably got a good laugh at me the last few weeks! We all survived surgery, She was so good. We had a looong weekend though, but I know she handled it way better than I would. We had our first Doctor appt. and she weighs 15lbs 10oz and 26 1/2 inches long! She had a double ear infection at that appt. we go back next Monday for an ear check and I'm pretty certain that we are going to discover another ear infection. We may have an ear infection till some teeth pop through. :(

Shane is liking his new job. I like having him home on his 7 days off. He feels like he never has time to do anything and the truth is we have pretty much been on the move since we got Jaxxi a little over a month ago. I'm ready for life to slow down a bit. I'm afraid we are just picking up steam for all the stuff that goes on the last few months of the year. I mean we already have Christmas's with our family scheduled! She has put a new lease on the life lots of things I have been avoiding the last 5 years through infertility are suddenly fun again! Me and Shane can be sitting down to dinner with Jaxxi in her bum boo (sp?) seat and just look across at each other and smile b/c this is us living our dream. I don't think I have stopped asking myself how did we get so lucky but Praise God we did!

Want to look back and know what I was feeling in this moment and the thing I would say is hardest about parenting is just all the worry if you making the right decisions for her. Big or little decision just decisions. Gives me anxiety and last Saturday I think I had my first mental break down. Glad I got that out of the way. :)

Half Birthday!

Jaxxi is six months old! She's been "ours" for almost three weeks and it's hard to remember life with out her! I was pretty nervous I wouldn't be able to wake up early every morning or know what to do with her all day, but I must say we are doing just fine and falling more in love every day! I will know her stats when we go to the doctor on the 22nd.

• Went from 5oz every 3 hours to 6oz every 4
• Moved up to a size 3 diaper.... the 2's still fit everywhere but your fat chubby legs!
• Started blowing raspberry's
• Started rolling over from front to back, and back to front
• Started eating baby food... things we tried so far (Squash, Carrots, Sweet Potatoes, Green beans, Peas (her Favorite), Prunes, Applesauce)
• Can sit up a few seconds by herself
• Belly laughing
• making baby talk
• Drooling on everything!

We made it our first 7 days pretty much on our own. We miss daddy like crazy though, it makes me sad every new thing she does he doesn't get to see it first hand. I'm so thankful for the work he is doing to support our family! I go back to work on Tuesday. I'm sick over it. Hoping I can stick it out at least till we get insurance through Shanes job, but I'm not sure I can!!

Ashley

Update...

We have Little miss in our home!!!! I'm so so excited! she has been with us since Monday and her worker says there is no real chance that she would ever go home! They have to give the parents every opportunity but the odds are definitely in our favor! So keep praying!! Her next court date is in October so hoping all goes well between now and then. We start visits with the parents the second week in August. She is so happy and adjusting well. She has to a have little medical procedure on her eyes in late August so please say a prayer that all goes well for that. Thanks in advance and thanks for all the love and support.

Just for your viewing pleasure :o) all the Allen cousins!

One cute bunch!

July 4th weekend!

We had Little Miss over night for 4Th of July! We were so blessed to have her with us this year! She brings so much joy to our life!

This is her on the actual 4Th! I love her sweet bow!

First time meeting Uncle Kevin!

First time in a swimming pool! She absolutely loved it!

Me and baby girl! in her swimsuit Nana bought for her!

Nana and LM on July 3rd!

God's Promises

I haven't gotten a chance to really sit down and write out my thoughts of what the last month have meant to me... I really didn't know how to put it in words. I'm not going to lie and say I had no fear coming into the world of foster/adopting because the truth is I had many. If I let myself I could be completely crippled by them. I will admit that there have been a time or two I've given into the fear, and have had to surrender again the whole thing to God. It's pretty laughable to think that there is even anything else to do but surrender. Back in April the week before Easter I got the nerve to ask my social worker about LM and she said there was a chance of her being able to come to our home. I was elated. I remember crying, really more like sobbing in the shower after I called everyone to share the good news. I was just so relieved after five years of bad news we were finally getting what seemed like a YES! I was completely over taken with joy praising God through my tears.






So almost immediately after I received the good email my mind traveled to a million question mode. I emailed her back and asked if I should be getting things ready for her. Her email left me a little discouraged and I was pretty bummed. Then it hit me that it wasn't a no just not right now and refused to feel defeated. So instead I decided in that moment that it was all up to God if she would be ours. for a short while or forever... Then May came and went and still no news really to speak of it was a really hard month! Then at the beginning of June we got the call that we would get her for a week of respite care and we couldn't be happier but I still wasn't sure what the future held but we had a week with this precious girl and I couldn't refuse it! the the current foster mom called and the first thing out of her mouth was she will probably be adoptable. The feeling I got after that phone call was like affirmation that she would be ours.

So here we are a month later and still now solid news, we do know they are moving her to us probably by the end of July and we are just patiently ok maybe not so patiently :) but waiting no the less. God spoke to me through verse Revalations 21:5 when my grief was still so raw then again on then again through a preacher in early July 2010 I can't help but smile when I think he has made EVERYTHING NEW!



So I will rejoice in his promises for making everything new, and reap the harvest of what he planted! Thank you lord for giving me joy unspeakable!



This picture makes my heart do flip flops to watch Shane be a dad is one of the best things I have ever witnessed! LM is one lucky lady! I never doubted Shane would be a fantastic father, but he has way exceded my expectations!
Our first family photo! The only time I ever get really sad is when I think we will never have a truly complete family photo. But this is our life now and man it sure looks beautiful!

(once the adoption is finalized I will be taking off the heart stickers so you can see her sweet beautiful face!)

I am Blessed!!!

So Far So Good!

Our social worker came by the house last night for us to sign our contracts and be "officially approved" to be foster parents. We have known about the possibility of the placement of the baby girl since before Easter! Talk about patience. :) All we knew for sure was the week of respite care. Last night she confirmed that the baby will be transitioned in to our home! She told us to get excited. Well of course we are! She wanted to see the nursery and was surprised to see that it transformed into a little girls nursery :) My mom has gotten a ton of stuff so we were prepared for boy or girl! She is native American and the current foster family she is with isn't so since we are tribal that helps us tremendously! The Foster family she is currently with have had her since she left the hospital so she has been loved from the moment she was born and for that we are grateful!

I realize we are dealing with "the system" and things can change at any moment, but I'm just trusting and believing that God has all this worked out for us. As my Grandma Corene told me last night she's praying; it will go so smooth that it will be just like we had her.:) I wont be able to share her name on here. So I think I will refer to her as "little miss" for future post. We have people making bows and we can't wait to get her a dress for my sisters wedding coming up in July! I can't believe I'm going to be a mom to a baby in my arms not just in my heart!