Sunday, June 7, 2009

Not meant to be...

Well I found yesterday that I did not get pregnant this month. I took it a lot harder than I thought I would I have been basically lying around in my sorrow for two days! I'm having a why me moment! I know that there is a reason but, I just don't understand. I don't understand why this has to happen to anyone. I'm less than a month away from Jaxxon's due date and each day seems like a chore to get through. I went into his nursery on Thursday and lost it. Shane held me for about thirty minutes, but it's like something is stilling my joy. Where I once felt peace and hope, I know feel anger and sadness.

It seems like it so easy for so many why can't we just catch a break! Well that's my venting for today. I have to get up early for a meeting in the city tomorrow but my heart was heavy and I need to get my feelings in black and white. I pray I can find peace and put my trust in God sometimes it just a struggle and seems like it would be so much easier just to quite! I know that he will never walk away from me and I'm comforted by that I just want to be mad for awhile...

2 comments:

Sarah Castor said...

I'm praying for you... and I miss your joy. And I just miss seeing you and Shane.

Chelsa said...

my heart hurts for you b/c i know how i have felt since we started trying again... i too just don't understand why it is so easy for some people to get pregnant and have a baby and why it's so hard for others... i hate being in that category of people who have a hard time getting pregnant... i keep telling myself we've only tried for 2 months again, but it is hard to see past the year it took us to get pregnant with Andon. :( i want a baby NOW now later... I know God has a plan, but honestly, most days that doesn't make it easier or make my heart stop yearning... anyway, i just wanted to comment and let you know you aren't alone... i know that doesn't really help, but i just identified with your post so much.