10 months!

Well it's that time again time for ANOTHER monthly post. I'm so happy for each milestone, but also would like to keep her my tiny little baby!

• You were 17.5 LBS and 28 inches long at 9 month well baby visit we go back to doctor on Wednesday and I'm positive you have grown!
• biggest milestone is starting to Army Crawl! I was wrapping with shiny Christmas paper and that gave you enough motivation to get on the move!
• Started eating pasta pick ups, You don't like baby food even though Nana says I just don't try hard enough :)
• We have moved most of your feedings from your bumboo seat to the big girl high chair.
• You can eat a whole cracker by yourself.
• Daddy walked in the door and you started saying DADA. Still not a mention of mama!
• front two teeth all the way in. Another top tooth pooped through this week. That makes 5 teeth for you total.
• Still drinking 4-5 6oz. bottles a day.
• Went to look at Christmas lights and Christmas inflatables.
• Hung your first Christmas Ornament.
• First Carner Tree Trimming
• First Thanksgiving
• First accident! While taking family photo's Mommy let you fall off a chair. You were OK after a few snuggles! (P.s. daddy will never let mommy forget I let you get hurt first! ha!)
• Met your extended family on Poppy's side.
• Continue to develop your cute, sweet, ORNERY personality.
• The very start of stranger anxiety.
• Started throwing head throwing fits!
• Fighting sleep.

This girl is a mess! Mine and Shane's hearts are full to the brim though! I have know idea what we did for entertainment before her. I'm so much looking forward to our first Christmas as a family of three! God has blessed more than we deserve!

I have so much to get caught up on in blogging. Maybe after Christmas I can set down and get some pictures on here and get caught up!

Thanksgiving 2011

We had a great Thanksgiving a little different than years past but still a blessed one none the less! Of course we were thrilled to get to spend it Jaxxi first Thanksgiving all together!

All of the Allen clan together for the first time in along time!

Daddy giving his Sweets a lift waiting for lunch :)

Thanksgiving morning watching the Macy's Parade!

My SIL Tish ran her first Marathon the Sunday before Thanksgiving and here are the girls showing their support! :)

She survived! I'm proud that of you Tish!

9 Months

I can not believe she is already 9 months old! we had a big month of milestones!

• you weighed 17 lbs. 3oz. at last appt. we go for you 9 month well baby on the 23rd
• you have two bottom teeth and the top two front teeth have broke the skin.
• you are leaning over your knee to start to crawl (more on this later)
• you have just in the last few days started babbling! your first word was dada! You don't know what that means yet but it's still your first word :) 
• still drinking 6 oz of formula
• Still not a big fan of baby food
• Still wearing size three diapers
• 6-9 months or 9 month clothing.
• size 2 shoe
•  LOVE your puffs and baby snacks!
• First wagon ride with you great Uncle Gary
• You love all animals!!
• met your Great Grandma Linda for the first time.
• Had your first trick-or-treating!
• You have started reaching for people
• You cry when I leave the room or when I walk by and don't say hi to you!
• You have started waking up around 5:30 in the mornings but go right back to sleep.
• You will hold your own bottle most of the time and you do this cutest little twisting when you are holding it! :)
• You still attack Madison's face every time you see her:)

This month we had a few concerns about where Jaxxi is on a few developmental things. So we set up a meeting with s.o.oner st.a.rt. They are organization that will help kids if they are behind in any area the first three years of life. Well we had our evaluation and Jaxxi qualified. She has some lose ligaments and some under developed muscles. So she will start physical therapy very soon!

Giving Credit where credit is due...

I think this post has been along time coming. So I need to back up a little September 2010 my life begin to shift. I had moved beyond raw grief to just a state of depression. It was literally killing my soul. I just couldn't shake it. I had done everything that I was in my power to do, and guess what it didn't work! So I had to turn to the one who could do something about it. Since that time He has been showing me again and again that He is faithful. So in October of 2010 I got the nerve to turn in our foster/adoption application and my life has been on a fast track ever since. We had our first initial visit at the end of October and then we had two months were nothing was really happening except paper work and waiting for a class to get in to. So I made it through another holiday seasons with empty arms. For the first time in probably 3 or 4 years I let myself begin to hope.

January of this year I began to see that my life needed to change, and I was the only one who could do anything about it! So starting in January I started working out and between January and May of this year I lost 30 lbs. Started feeling like myself again. Then we found out about Jaxxi and I actually started to feel joy. real joy, God given overflowing joy. So I write all of that to say if your a baby loss mom who reads my blog or somehow found my blog b/c you are fresh in your grief there is hope. It's totally normal to grieve. I know there was so many dark times that I thought I would never feel any different than empty and sad. I promise you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep searching for Gods plan in your life and you will one day wake up and realize you have made it through. That doesn't mean that you don't miss your child or stop thinking about them or that you will never shed another tear. It does mean that you will feel that your not sitting on the side lines of your own life. You may even feel like your making the winning goal.

I read so many blog of BLM's and after they have another baby it's like that was what made them feel normal. Jaxxi does make me feel normal and I LOVE being a mom, but if I never would have had a child God was the one who healed my broken heart. He did that a while before Jaxxi came along. So if you never got your "rainbow" baby the only one who can heal your hurt is the one above.... So I'm giving credit where credit is due and saying I got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart, WHERE, down in my heart, WHERE, down in my heart to stay. That comes from GOD.

I survived the Earthquake of 2011!

So it's been a little nutso around here! We have two pretty large earthquakes in Oklahoma in the last couple of days! and oh did I mention they centered just a about 9 miles from my house! On Friday night I was home alone then at a little after 2 in the morning I was awoken to what sounded like a big explosion then my house started shaking! it was a 4.7 earthquake. I know it wasn't a huge deal but to be woken up to that it's definitely not pleasant! So what do you do to make sure your not crazy open up FB lol! Well I wasn't crazy my news feed was going crazy with everyone who felt it!

Last night around 10:30 we were decorating my sisters mantel for Christmas and Oklahoma's biggest and longest ever recorded earthquake happened it was a 5.6! It kept going and going. So I ran and got Jaxxi and got in a doorway. :) natural disasters are a lot more scary when your worrying about your child! I thought all we had to worry about were tornado's, and at least we get a warning with those, now it looks like we should be a tad concerned about earthquakes!

Halloween and a real life pirate!

 We had a great Halloween! Jaxxi will never remember it but, Shane and I will! We went downtown Prague to the businesses and then went and walked around a few houses in Paden. She smiled the whole time :)

I have know idea why this is side ways b/c it isn't in my file but whatever turn your head a little! :)

Ringing the door bell!

 here's our cute little duck! Everyone thought she was a chicken but the tag so duck so that's what we are going with ;)

We went to the eye doctor today to get the tubes they put in her tear ducts back in August removed, and I asked him about some concerns I had with her left eye and well here's the end result my own little pirate! She did really well wearing it. She has to wear it for two hours a day for two months. We go back in January and if it hasn't improved like he wants it to I will have a little cutie in glasses:)

Finally feeling like fall! and randomness

I think every year I have posted about my love of fall! Seriously whats not to love?!? Well this year I'm doubly excited about it because it's Jaxxi first Halloween! I can not tell you how much this warms my heart! I have dreamed for years to be toting around a cute little bundle to get me and Shane some loot ;)
We have a fun weekend planned and it's all pretty much festive! Jaxxi is going to be a cute little duck and it's finally cooling off, I was worried it would be to hot for her to wear it, but there's a beautiful forecast for the next week!

We go tomorrow for ANOTHER ear check, she has pretty much had an ear infection for the last three months! If it's still infected I'm going to ask about an ENT referral. I'm just so tired of her having to be in pain so much!

On Thursday we have our first court date. The parents changed their minds about relinquishing their rights... So we are at the mercy of the judge and d.@. Everyone involved is still very positive just going to have to wait it out and it will probably be double the length of time it would if they relinquish. They still will have the opportunity to do that, at any point.

Shane is coming home! the weeks that he's gone seems so long, but on Tuesdays nights we are so excited to get to see him!

Also I noticed that I hit 300 post so yay me! lol! I hope everyone has a fun safe holiday weekend and maybe I can get some pics up after the boohaha parade we are going to on Saturday!

8 months

 You turned 8 months on October the 11th! You are getting so big and it makes me so sad at how fast the time goes by. We have had a blessed week with daddy being at home! You just seems happier with your daddy here. We went to the doctor for your third double ear infection since being moved to our home three months ago... but we did get to weigh you  and you gaind 10oz. to 16 lbs. 10 oz. still a little runt ;)

• You sit up so good on your own
• Your favorite toy your book that sings to you
• You still go through stages of wanting and not wanting baby food.
• You LOVE puffs and your baby Cheetos's
• You give sweet kiss
• You clap really good now and it's the sweetest/cutest thing ever!
• you have two bottom teeth
• you play by yourself pretty good
• Today you started trying to say mama, talk about melting my heart!
• You LOVE Huck, and he loves you!

Our first trip to the pumpkin patch was a dream come true I have waited so many years, I prayed and hoped to bring you, our baby, to all the things I love about fall and God blessed us with you!

This was your second trip to the pumpkin patch with just mommy and daddy!

You couldn't actually ride the train this year but we got your picture in it any way ;)

You absolutely love animals! You got to ride a pony this month too! You laughed and giggled the whole time!

You are still changing my life every day and I can't wait to see what this next month brings and looking forward to our first Halloween!

Ashley

Pumpkin patch 2011

Tish was down visiting her in-laws so we decided to take the kids to the pumpkin patch so we could get some photos :) Me and Shane will be take little miss next weekend to so we will get lots more cute pics :)

Bree was definitely are best picture taker she is ready for a pose at a moments notice!

 Sawyer is such a cutie! He's busy so didn't get very many pictures of him!

 This is mostly all I seen of Jarrett! He was not so much of  picture taker either :)

 Sweet boy!

My little sweetie looooooves animals so she was loving looking at the goats.  

Jare and Jaxxi. 

This picture makes me laugh. It will be 6 years till they are looking at the camera and smiling!

Jare and Jaxxi he loves her and she loves him! He only smiled b/c I told him Jaxxi wanted him to :)

Our sweet girls!

Thankful God blessed me with all these wonderful kiddo's in my life! I'm truly loving every moment!

Pumpkin patch sneak peek hope to get more on here tomorrow!

The Call

So Little Miss still has visit with her birth parents twice a month, these usually go off with out a hitch and I'm more than happy to share what's been going on and what new stuff she has been learning and doing, but the last two have been kinda strange. I knew something was up and it was honestly making me a little uneasy and nervous. So I contacted my social worker to see if they had begun talking relinquishment/termination of rights. and she said they hadn't begun those talks with the parents yet and weren't going to until the next family planning meeting with lawyers and counselors present. So I was still a little perplexed. I felt like they were telling her good bye and starting to let her go. Also telling me things they wished for her in the future. How she would be when she grew up and what they have allergies to and so on and so on. Then after our visit on Wednesday as we were leaving they asked to speak to our worker and so me and missy pants walked on out to the car with a home visit planned for Thursday. Well Thursday I got a call that they have decided they are ready to let her go and for me and Shane to move forward with the adoption! So things could be started as early as October 5! We couldn't be happier b/c I was prepared for a lot more drawn out process. Because up until this point they were going to continue to fight for her. Our worker told me yesterday that it shouldn't take more than 6 months for everything to be officially finalized! I honestly couldn't believe it! that will put her at a little over a year old!

It's funny what a difference a year makes. It was around this time last year that Shane yelled at me from the shower know how does this foster care thing work:) and from that our journey began. An my what a ways we have come. We are truly blessed and do not deserve an ounce of the favor God has shown us. I just find myself in tears humbled before God that he choose this little girl to have us as parents. It also gives me a slight anxiety attack not to mess it up! They can still change their mind and make the process of this longer, but would you pray with us that things will go smoothly and for me as I go to the family planning meeting. I know God has every detail mapped out and for that I'm thankful. I have never had any control and it's a huge burden lifted off to know I'm just a long for the ride!

7 months

I can not believe my baby is 7 months old! She is getting so big and learning stuff every day!

• you weighs 16 lbs
• you are 26 1/2 inches long
• you had 3 ear infections in the past month :(
• you are on Z yrtec everyday for allergies
• A moxicillin (sp?) and A gmitten (sp?) give you severe diaper rash!
• You are sitting up really good all on your own
• you chew on everything!
• you like to play with the blocks in you shape sorter
• you wave bye bye and hello (sometimes with your sweet fingers and sometimes with your whole arm)
• you clapped for Poppy for the first time
• you bring your hands together when I say patty cake patty cake
• you went to the zoo for the first time.
• went to your first football game to watch you cousin Alec play!
• you still eat 6 oz every 4 hours
• you are not so much liking baby food but we are still giving it to you two times a day. you LOVE oatmeal. and baby cookies :)
• You splash and make a big mess at bathtime!

Baby girl you are the sweetest happiest friendliest baby! and I couldn't be more happy to be your momma! Even through all this sickness with the expection of couple of nights you have continued to be your good natured self! You have changed my life in every possible way and I couldn't be more happy! At this stage you are very quite and do not talk much but I'm sure in a year we will not be able to get a word in edge wise :). We love you so much and can't remember life without you! :)

Jaxxi's Room... So far

Yes she's almost 7 months old and yes I'm just now getting around to getting her room looking the way I want it! But it's better late than never! :)




Rug this pic was taken durning the still doing stuff process and I was trying to decide if I like it and I do. :)




This is a better pic of rug.




Wall decals her Daddy assembled!




Tree to hang towels and jackets on.




Crib, still have to put her name above it and maybe a few other things.




Top of dresser. Still have to put our pics in the frame. :)




Table right when u walk in. With her photo album and owl picture her mean Aunt Karen made her!




Book case Aunt Melissa and Uncle Kevin got her.




Close up of bookcase. Picture frame made by Brandy Pickard. Still need to get a few more things for this.




Just to precious not to post!


I still need bow holders and a picture or something above changing table then I think it will be perfect! For a perfect girl! :)

Ashley

Lack of Blogging!

I apologize for the lack of updates! I've been a little preoccupied plus everything I would LOVE to blog includes a pic of little Missy pants and I can't put her cute little face on the Internet yet! Plus I mostly do my blogging from my phone and I can't put the cute little heart over her face. So excuses, excuses! The bright side is we are getting Internet at home! I have done with out it for two+ years... But not anymore they finally offer DSL out our way! So excited, draw back since we are a new house they have to do construction so it could be 2-6 weeks! If you waited 2 years whats 6 weeks. :)

I wrote Jaxxi on my last post so I guess I the cats out of the bag for all you readers who don't know me in real life. We are naming her Jaxxi Mae Allen! Her name fits her perfectly just one more reason I know without a doubt this child was created for us. If I ever have doubts that God works out EVERY detail, He has probably got a good laugh at me the last few weeks! We all survived surgery, She was so good. We had a looong weekend though, but I know she handled it way better than I would. We had our first Doctor appt. and she weighs 15lbs 10oz and 26 1/2 inches long! She had a double ear infection at that appt. we go back next Monday for an ear check and I'm pretty certain that we are going to discover another ear infection. We may have an ear infection till some teeth pop through. :(

Shane is liking his new job. I like having him home on his 7 days off. He feels like he never has time to do anything and the truth is we have pretty much been on the move since we got Jaxxi a little over a month ago. I'm ready for life to slow down a bit. I'm afraid we are just picking up steam for all the stuff that goes on the last few months of the year. I mean we already have Christmas's with our family scheduled! She has put a new lease on the life lots of things I have been avoiding the last 5 years through infertility are suddenly fun again! Me and Shane can be sitting down to dinner with Jaxxi in her bum boo (sp?) seat and just look across at each other and smile b/c this is us living our dream. I don't think I have stopped asking myself how did we get so lucky but Praise God we did!

Want to look back and know what I was feeling in this moment and the thing I would say is hardest about parenting is just all the worry if you making the right decisions for her. Big or little decision just decisions. Gives me anxiety and last Saturday I think I had my first mental break down. Glad I got that out of the way. :)

Half Birthday!

Jaxxi is six months old! She's been "ours" for almost three weeks and it's hard to remember life with out her! I was pretty nervous I wouldn't be able to wake up early every morning or know what to do with her all day, but I must say we are doing just fine and falling more in love every day! I will know her stats when we go to the doctor on the 22nd.

• Went from 5oz every 3 hours to 6oz every 4
• Moved up to a size 3 diaper.... the 2's still fit everywhere but your fat chubby legs!
• Started blowing raspberry's
• Started rolling over from front to back, and back to front
• Started eating baby food... things we tried so far (Squash, Carrots, Sweet Potatoes, Green beans, Peas (her Favorite), Prunes, Applesauce)
• Can sit up a few seconds by herself
• Belly laughing
• making baby talk
• Drooling on everything!

We made it our first 7 days pretty much on our own. We miss daddy like crazy though, it makes me sad every new thing she does he doesn't get to see it first hand. I'm so thankful for the work he is doing to support our family! I go back to work on Tuesday. I'm sick over it. Hoping I can stick it out at least till we get insurance through Shanes job, but I'm not sure I can!!

Ashley

Update...

We have Little miss in our home!!!! I'm so so excited! she has been with us since Monday and her worker says there is no real chance that she would ever go home! They have to give the parents every opportunity but the odds are definitely in our favor! So keep praying!! Her next court date is in October so hoping all goes well between now and then. We start visits with the parents the second week in August. She is so happy and adjusting well. She has to a have little medical procedure on her eyes in late August so please say a prayer that all goes well for that. Thanks in advance and thanks for all the love and support.

Just for your viewing pleasure :o) all the Allen cousins!

One cute bunch!

July 4th weekend!

We had Little Miss over night for 4Th of July! We were so blessed to have her with us this year! She brings so much joy to our life!

This is her on the actual 4Th! I love her sweet bow!

First time meeting Uncle Kevin!

First time in a swimming pool! She absolutely loved it!

Me and baby girl! in her swimsuit Nana bought for her!

Nana and LM on July 3rd!

Kass's Bachlorette!

My little sis is getting married in 8 days, tear, we had her bachlorette party last weekend! It reminded why I love being old and married! ha! We did have a blast and thanks for everyone that came out! These pics are in random order and I'm to lazy to fix them. so stuff.

Me, Jen and Lauren at what-a-burger after dancing the night away :)

This is my model pose! My entire outfit was less than 20 bucks!

My sis in law Melissa did a great job at creating the cake!

Me and the bride to be!

The Bridal party at Zio's

My SIL and brother

all of us minus Sarah who had to get back home.

All the cousins!

everyone at Zio's

My two lovely sisters!

We had a great time and I'm so ready for the wedding next weekend! Love ya Kass

5 months

Little Miss is 5 months! Actually yesterday was her 5 month birthday.:) we are getting to see her once a week now and every time we see her she is doing something new!

• the last time we weighed her she was 14 lbs 2 oz

•she loves to rub our faces and rubs our arms when she is trying to go to sleep!

• she's turned into a binky girl big time!

• I'm pretty sure she's teething, she drools every where!

• yesterday morning she rolled over for me! She really isn't to interested in rolling though.

•she loves looking at a bird on her floor mat.

• she makes the cutest faces when she cries, we let her cry for just a little bit because it's so stinking cute.

•she talks and jabbers in car seat more than any other place.

• she's sleeps from 9 or 9:30 p.m. To 8:30 or 9:00 am stays up about an hour and takes a nap around 10 or 10:30 and the naps again about 3 this her best and longest nap.

•she drinks 5oz every 4 hours a rice cereal bottle in the afternoon and before bed.

•she loves bath time just hates getting her hair washed! As soon as Shane finishes washing her body she starts crying bc she knows her hair is next!

There's probably more that I'm missing but want to make sure and get some of it documented! Can't wait to see her grow and learn how her personality changes!

Ashley

More newness

Shane starts a new job tomorrow! We are very excited and hope it helps make our future more stable bc it's not just us anymore and it felt like the opportunity was right! Anywho he leaves tomorrow and won't be back till next Tuesday night or Wednesday :(... But the Good news is I get him for 7 whole days after that! So it will be an adjustment, but it will be worth it!

So we are off to another adventure in the Allen household! Today we had to get him some supplies and we had Missy pants with us! Here she is with her daddy!



I'm going to miss him like crazy but thankful he'll do what it takes to provide for us! Thanks babes!

Ashley